


Losing Her

by angstilicious



Category: Marvel
Genre: Angst, Death, Slight Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-12
Updated: 2017-09-12
Packaged: 2018-12-26 22:13:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,335
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12067995
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/angstilicious/pseuds/angstilicious
Summary: Why does Hydra have to take everything Bucky cares about?





	Losing Her

**Author's Note:**

> Please don't hate me.

They took her.

You were gone.

Just last week, the both of us were sitting on my bed. You were drawing circles on my chest and I simply stared down at you, trying to guess what shape was trying to take place at the end of your fingertips. 

Now…you were gone.

Hydra had taken you. Just like they take every goddamn good thing in my life.

I’m going to get you back.

 

I stumble into the conference room. All eyes turn to stare at me. I ignore them and slump into my seat. I try extremely hard to not notice the empty seat to my left. Steve places a hand on my right shoulder.

Stark starts the meeting explaining how we were going to infiltrate the base they believe you are being held in. Afterwards, we all gear up. The quinjet is prepped and ready to go and soon we’re airborne. My grief slowly burns away into anger and an eerie calm takes over me. Steve notices, but chooses to wisely not say anything. They all know I’ll stop at nothing to get you back. 

The door barely lands on the ground before I’m jumping out and sprinting in the direction of the base. I hear the others try to keep up. In my ear, Steve whispers for me to slow down. I listen finally as the base comes into view over the ridge and the rest of the team slows to a halt next to me.

Quickly and efficiently, in a way only Steve can muster, he recites the plan. We break up and I head for the front door. We decided I’d be a great distraction, make them think I came alone. I bust down the door and hardly spare the guards in my way a glance as I take them all out. I drop my magazine and replace it with a new one before taking off down the halls. Guards continue to drop at my hand as I make my way to the cells, or where we believe the cells are. 

Grunts and groans fill my ear as my team is slowly uncovered.

So much for a distraction.

I don’t stop and finally find myself in front of huge steel doors. Turning the giant wheel that serves as a handle, I grip my gun and stand off to the side, letting the door swing open. 

Gunshots ring out from inside, but slow when no one appears; that’s when I show myself. The guards only get a brief glimpse of me. I slither inside before they even hit the ground. Frustration overtakes me as every cell I pass comes up empty. I reach the last cell holding my breath… nothing.

I want to scream. I need to scream. Instead, I whisper quite vehemently into the comm, “She’s not here.”

Steve answers first. “Are you sure?”  
“Of course I’m fucking sure. Every last cell is empty.”

No one knows what to say for a few seconds and all I hear is people getting smacked around, presumably the guards. 

“Okay. Everyone back to the jet. I’m almost down downloading all their files. Isn’t much, but hopefully there’s something in here that can help us…”

The others agree. I have to clear my throat a couple times to affirm and turn to the doorway. 

I stop in my tracks and intake a breath. 

The team are asking me what happened. I hear Steve saying he’s coming to me. I can’t find my words…  
I can’t find them because you are standing in the doorway. 

I whisper your name and hear everyone on the comms freeze. It’s only for a second before I hear Steve pounding his way to me, faster than ever.  
I take a step towards you, my arms outstretched. 

Why haven’t you run into my arms yet? You love to run into my arms. 

I keep taking small, slow steps towards you, fearing if I go any faster, you’ll disappear.

So close. I’m so close to you when another man steps out from out in the hallway, halting my progress to assess this new player. He’s wearing a lab coat, but underneath is a bullet-resistant vest. He laughs.

“Hello Soldier. Having a good time?”

No words come out of my mouth. I’m in shock as you haven’t moved away from the man. In fact, you take a protective stance beside him. A protective stance against me.

I’m the enemy in your eyes.

Except your eyes aren’t showing any kind of emotion at all. They don’t hold the slight sparkle that burns bright whenever you laugh or the wetness of tears when you get so angry you just cry out of frustration. 

They hold nothing but the look of someone completely dead inside. 

They look like my own when I was the Winter Soldier. Before I met you.

A shiver runs down my spine as realization washes over me and it’s almost enough to bring me to my knees.

“I see you’re all caught up soldier. You see, our new protégé has progressed much faster than you ever did due to some brand-new technology. She doesn’t remember you… and if I have my way, she never will.”

Her eyes stay focused on me, dead and unmoving.

Anger once again resurfaces and I reach for my gun I had holstered earlier. Before I know what hit me, I’m on my back, staring up into your beautiful eyes.  
They may not recognize me, but their beauty refuses to fade. You have me pinned: a knee on my waist, a hand on my throat and the other holding my left arm. I try to move, but barely manage to squirm a little bit. 

“I should have waned you Soldier to not make any sudden moves. She’s very protective.” 

I stare into your eyes, hoping for a glimpse of the real you. There’s nothing but a calm coldness. 

“Babe,” I start to whisper despite the hand at my throat. “Babe. Please. Snap out of this. It’s me. Bucky. Please, you’re stronger than this.”

The hand simply tightens its hold, cutting off any other words. 

The Hydra scientist laughs again. “It’s not going to work, Soldier. She’s gone. For good. Now, we are going to leave and you’re going to let us. Come Драгоценный (precious one).”

The hand releases from my neck and I scramble to my feet. You start to walk away from me. I grab your hand and you turn. For a split second, I believe you are going to just change your mind and come with me back home. Then your hand flies to punch me in the face. It’s so fast I don’t see it happening until it’s over and I’m back on the floor. 

I glance up in time to see you disappear into the hallway with the scientist. Tears cloud my vision. 

I lost you again.

Steve soon fills my vision, asking what happened. I tell him I’ll explain on the jet and we hurry back together. Outside, I search for any sign of you, but no luck.

They took you again. 

On the jet, everyone looks mostly okay with only some scrapes and bruises. Funny enough, I have the biggest bruise from where your sit connected with my face. 

“What happened Barnes? Run into wall?” 

Stark laughs at his own joke.

“No. It was Y/N.”

The birds outside don’t even chirp to fill the void my words left.

“Y/N? Are you sure?”

I nod to Natasha. “Yes, it was her… and a man, scientist.” I correct myself, venom filling my voice. “Hydra have made her into the next Winter Soldier. Only this time, she’s stronger, faster, more everything. She took me down before I could blink.”

Bruce looks about ready to lose it. Tony’s jaw couldn’t be any closer to the floor. Steve is giving me that pity look I hate so fricking much. Nat and Clint stare at one another, seeming to have one of their private conversation. I… well, I feel broken. I take a seat before my legs give out on me and shortly after, Steve plants himself by my side. He reassures me that this isn’t my fault and how we’re all going to find a way to fix it. 

I know it makes me horrible but I just want to scream at him. 

 

It’s two weeks later when we get a hit on your location. France. We suit up and head out. No one speaks, but no one has to. Everyone knows what’s at stake here. You. Your life. Your mind. 

I vow to save you. I will save you. I have to save you.

We touch down in a clearing and disembark. The facility isn’t that hard to enter. In fact, it’s too easy. The nagging sensation blooms in my head and stomach, but I ignore it. I need to find you.

And find you, I do.

You are waiting for me in a large open room, just standing in the middle of it. It appears to be a room for sparring considering the mats on the floor. You don’t move as slowly approach, whispering to the team that I found you and for them to steer clear until I’ve assessed the situation. 

Your eyes are so cold. It makes me shiver as you stare me down. I’m halfway to you when you burst into action. Sprinting directly towards me, I barely have time to take a defensive stance before you fly through the air with a foot aiming for my head. I manage to block that attack and the next few. You finally catch me in the ribs and it hurts like a mother fucker. 

You taught me that phrase.

A punch to the face snaps me back into reality. 

We’re a flurry of movements and find when I’m not caught off-guard, I can stand my own against you.

We break apart, both breathing heavily. Another shiver sets down my spine at your hard stare. I decide to try words again.

“Babe. Can ya hear me? I need my Babygirl back. I love you. Please come back to me.”

The stare remains in place and that’s when I notice the camera in the corner of the room. Of course they are watching us. They always were ones to sit back and observe scenarios.

I take a single step forward and your body goes ridged. I hold my hands up in surrender and try to appear us nonthreatening as possible. 

“Love.” I drop my voice to a whisper. “Please, help me out here. We can go home. Watch one of your favorite horror movies. I’ll draw you a bubble bath and massage your feet. You can rant about anything you want and I won’t say a word. Just, please… come back to me…”

When your face makes no change, I almost drop to my knees. As it is, tears fill my eyes. I hear the team communicating over the comms. They are saying this is a trap. I knew that the second I stepped into the room. They set us up. Hydra wants to take even more from me than they already have. My team’s grunts and groans fill my ears as they fight the force that sprung up on them. I should go and help, but you’re my mission. I need you to come with me. I need you to come home. 

Your breathing becomes more even, as mine becomes more erratic. You blur behind the tears in my eyes… and your eyes still don’t change. 

This isn’t you. If you saw me crying, you would’ve curled your arms around me and whispered soothing words in my ear. You’d take me to our room and lay me on the bed. You’d tuck me in and offer to read a story to me because you say you like to read to me out loud. We both know that you only do it because I secretly love hearing your voice read to me, but neither of us admit it and we’re okay with that. 

I would love to be able to hear your voice right now. Your real voice. Not how you sound as the robot they made you into.

Suddenly, you’re running towards me again. I’m so lost in thoughts about you. You jump on top of me and I struggle to get out of your grasp. You’re reaching for my gun and I wrestle you for control of it. Suddenly a gunshot rings out.

You stop and your eyes go big. You turn your head down to watch the blood staining your shirt for a few seconds before turning back to me. Your eyes show you’re surprised. I’m surprised too. I just shot you.

As if in slow motion, I watch you fall to the ground. I catch you before you fall. You don’t fight me anymore. You don’t have the energy. I see you’re fading fast and once again, tears fill my eyes. 

“Babygirl. Baby. Pease don’t die on me. You can’t. I sorry. I’m so sorry.”

My sobs echo in the large room and your expression remains unchanged. 

“I never meant for this to happen. I love you so much.”

Your eyes start to flutter and I feel your heartbeat slow down.

“I’m so sorry love. I’m sorry. It was never supposed to end this way. I love you. You’re my whole life.”

I grip you tight and hold you. My tears never stop falling as I look into your eyes. They appear duller now. But they are focused on me. I watch you part your beautiful lips and suck in a breath. I lean closer to hear what you have to say. Hope flares in my chest out of nowhere… then you start to speak slow and croaky, but steady and lacking any type of emotion.

“You’re my mission.”

You go limp and I know I truly lost you. They took you from me for good. 

“You were mine too.”


End file.
